Growing, Attaching, and Surviving
These words describe the three places I’m in with each of our three boys right now. If someone would have told me just a few years ago that at 30, Justin and I would have 3 teen/preteen boys in our family, I would have said you were crazy. This season in our life has been a challenge, even painful at times, but also so fulfilling and life giving.
I am so excited for what’s to come for this young man. In the beginning of our journey together, he (at times) drove me crazy with his sarcasm (his defense- keeping everyone at arms length), his need to be right (his fight for some control), and his chatter (if I’m quiet, you might see who I really am). I now enjoy his questions, sense of humor, and desire to show you just how smart he really is- and actually believing it for himself too! It makes my heart smile that his question “Do you actually love me?” has turned to a statement “You guys really love me, huh?” He is beginning to believe that the corrections, the re-dos, the conversations are not meant to criticize, but to challenge. He is GROWING.
I feel like I have always had a bond with this young man. He is strong, but sensitive; he is silly, but deep; he is trusting, but guarded. I love that we can hang out together and be comfortable without having to say a single word, or go from talking about music to our deepest fears in 2 minutes flat. I cannot imagine our family without this great kiddo as a part of it somehow. We are ATTACHING.
Friends, in true honesty, I am struggling in this season with this young man and I have to remind myself- he is struggling too. We have had multiple ER visits, lots of deep breathing, and approximately 3 days in the past 5 months without a meltdown of some sort- and he totally knows me well enough to push my buttons. We have had weeks at a time without a single positive interaction. Then every once in a while, he has an awesome day and I get a glimpse of the kid he would be/could be, if we could just get through the junk that the world has dumped on him. We are SURVIVING.